Psalm 55:1-8, 12-13, 16-17, 19, 22 NIV
Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea;
hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me
and I am distraught because of what my enemy is saying,
because of the threats of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering on me and assail me in their anger.
My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death have fallen on me.
Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.
I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
I would flee far away and stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.”
If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me, I could hide.
But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend,
As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me.
Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.
God, who is enthroned from of old, who does not change—
he will hear them and humble them, because they have no fear of God.
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous be shaken.
I know Psalm 55 very well. It speaks to me on a deeply personal level. For anyone who has every suffered childhood abuse these words speak into our experience. The betrayal of those you should be able to trust causes a deep, deep scar.
Plagued by difficult memories, psychic trauma, and a difficulty trusting others is all part of the adult survivors experience. I encourage you to read Psalm 55 in its entirety. Here's a link.
My drug and alcohol abuse and addiction were my way of running away, fleeing to a safe desert place. Pretending to be happy and cordial was another. Trying to please everyone was yet another means to protect myself from further harm. As time went on I had to admit how empty these are. I was so busy trying to be what I thought everyone else expected me to be that I lost all connection with my own identity.
It's been a long journey to come to a place of trusting fully in God and giving people another chance.
I praise God for healing and the continuing journey toward fullness of life. The malignancy of child abuse still threatens to come out of remission and I know to cast my cares on the One who cares for me. God is my safe place.
This psalm inspired a song I wrote back in my seminary days. Watch this video. Donna Templeton Howell performed with me at Zionsville United Methodist Church, in Zionsville, Indiana.
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